1. |
.
02:26
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2. |
the dress mommy gave me
03:08
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|
I
on every corner, on every street, in every room, in every place
the school, the yard, the public pool, the park
from child- (all through the neighbour-) to adulthood
wanna try to elude – good luck!
all the hundreds and thousands of eyes
that are examining her
in every room, on every street, everyday
too tall, too small, too shy
all the times she cried, too
thick, too thin
too much tan on her skin
she could need make-up on her face
we all compete in that race
more or less, I'd like to say
is she as beautiful as I am?
does she stand by her man?
's the one that I adore
this bitch is a whore
tired of it, but identifying with the must haves
as there are: beauty – sexiness – motherhood
and self-esteem in between
these eyes that are a burden on a thousand shoulders
annoying, but subject-composing
a self built up on contradictions and ambivalence
like there's no right life in the wrong one*
(but that's the only one we've got)
II
the anticipated, the over-emphasized
that's me
always assuming for
always projecting on
the other, the counterpart
I look away
change sides
don't speak what's on my mind
because of you
to not make you angry and afraid
irresponsibility and disrespect would be the opposite – nothing to die for
__
*T. W. Adorno
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3. |
together
02:57
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|
stumbled over two lines
more than 10 years ago.
two lines
picturing a drawback
in an inspiring way:
don´t be in love with the guitarist - be the guitarist
Musicians are made, not born
there are no physical reasons
for the lack of female guitarists
no genetic predispositions
for the deficit of female drummers.
the reasons for women´s absence in music
are entirely social
causing
a lack of female role models
on and on and on
no one´s on stage
for inspiring the young
music doesn´t care about sex.
people do.
music doesn´t care about sex
it´s about me and u!
this is no accusation. no song about rage.
it´s about supporting ur female friends, sisters and mates.
it´s all about friendship not about gender
it´s about doing something great together
music doesn´t care about sex
instruments too.
music doesn´t care about sex
it´s about me and u!
this is no accusation. no song about rage.
it´s about supporting ur female friends, sisters and mates!
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4. |
blown fuses
03:45
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|
she got a call - got asked if he was there
but he was not – he disappeared
no traces left - uncertainty stayed
& the feeling of being helpless
emptiness
the jack numbed him
he only wanted to sleep & fade away
“we all experience moments of despair…but for most of us, the sun comes out”
he cut his wrists and the crooks of his arms
three litres of blood left his body - coloured the cold water & the white bed sheet
he fell asleep
thereafter - awoke and still there
the marks mark his life
the next day he grabbed his bag & left his phone
not to get called?
because of being messy/confused?
he saw a car - the key was in the ignition
the woman belonging (to it) only three meters away
blown fuses
“roadtrip” to a lake
the lake where he had the best summers of his life
keep the memory for one night – then, try it again
the emissions of the car should kill him - but it was a long-lasting process
too long for him – useful air slowly going away – gasping struggled him
somehow, he couldn’t get rid of his life
after being headless, he walked around
recognized a building he hadn’t seen in recent years
he stopped – went in
his confusion provoked the people to call
the police
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5. |
Lucille
02:24
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|
Lucille did fight
she was brave
she struggled along
slept every- and nowhere
rather ate no- than something
that's exhausting – I believe
last night she submitted, surrendered
the lady of 89 years
when they came to take her, to take care
two people from the old people's home
which is just around the corner
(yes, indeed) they seemed friendly
ready to take care, to take her
to what they call home
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6. |
.
02:24
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7. |
runnin'
06:36
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|
runnin‘ time in beautiful moments
too fast, I forget the pictures in my memory
every second a smile, in both, face and heart
euphoria, where have you gone?
I wanna go searchin’, ‘cause I got it a long time before:
I am the architect of my own fortune
but – I keep staying.
in bed.
fo(u)r hours.
thoughts cross my mind
I stare out of the window – clouds pass me by
the telephone rings
and I tell you unobtrusively, that I feel bad
tears run
I hang up
tears run and separate
they separate the numbness I’m in
emotions
and they destroy the infinity of this pretended peaceful silence
still waters run deep
and dark
the blackest black I‘ve ever seen – a dark place
tar of soul
hot, sticky, thick
burnt. scars remain.
remember me to the place, where I am and where I don’t want to be anymore. never ever
again!
when did it start?
I haven’t been like that before – so fragile for lethargy
whatever. questions I can’t deal with the next hours and I reject, too.
tryin‘ to get up.
done.
the first cigarette of the day
the smoke is fast in filling. (both) lungs and room.
I’m searching for the next possibility to get down again
and time stops runnin’ again – in times of my own standstill
discontent. laziness. ordinariness (tristesse). headaches.
the absence of inner and outer sunlight
but the world won’t wait
It’s alive during my inner atrophy
prisoner of my own jail
can’t breathe. lose my smile. the inner beauty
fuckin‘ lethargy..fuck you!
what was I thinkin’ about the last hours?
whatever. it’s dark. time for laying.
good night.
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8. |
the kids can't maintain
05:05
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The kids can't maintain
the kids can't maintain
when you're so beautiful
the kids can't stay the same
they have to look like you
the kids can't maintain
after what you've said
they have to pause and think
get it through their pretty heads*
hormones spring
spots flourish
adolescence
biological programmed metamorphosis
change of voice
monthly blood drips
the kids can't maintain
after all that's said and done
discover the world in a different way
the first intoxication
the taste of coffee and cigarettes
encounter your boundaries
the sky's the limit
gender turn magnetic
attractive and attracted
the kisses, the hugs, the touches
pressing yourself into me and me into you
lips, hands, tongues, teeth, the south, two bodies
we cannot, we will not stay the same
state of euphoria, youthful dreams and simplicity
freeze the moments you love
'cause there is no turning back
just feel free to try life (and preserve the little kid inside)
__
* originally by The Secret Stars
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9. |
those summer nights
03:43
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oh what a pity , you were wrong
oh what harsh words went out of my mouth
you were wrong
oh no I've been wrong
police? na! security? maybe!
there was one once with that cute little dog, but that's some years ago
me? yes, I'm always a bit frightened
I don't want to get hurt
I don't want you to get hurt, too
the night went on – we climbed– the moon, full and bright, – the fence–
as the leaves of the chestnut trees – we– rustled in the wind – ran
there's a breeze – up– hushing over – to– over the scene/the pool,
whispering unknown names/that was one of our games
our clothes, leave them on or leave them here
into the cool, into the dark, come ongive me your hand, let's stay here for the night
we swam backwards and watched the sky, watched the stars go by
I don't wanna say goodbye, goodbye my friend
(come on please hold my hands and don't you ever ever make them loose again)
oh what a pity , you were wrong
oh what harsh words went out of my mouth
you were wrong
oh no I've been wrong
as we left the scene which I wanted to enlarge
we passed the kids and disturbed them in their game – well, not by intention
to play with a lightened frisbee outside the park
inside, the frisbee's relatives passed us by
from us to them and back
so dozens of them decorated the path that we chose to get home
among the creatures and monsters they're accepted
unlike me and me and you
they're a rare race – stars that stayed on the ground
from here to there and back
they keep dancing till they hide in the woods
and just from time to time they jump out to show off/up
I don't want to get hurt
and I don't want you to get hurt, too
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10. |
.
02:23
|
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11. |
.
00:18
|
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